Logo
Issues of Separation, Co-parenting Plans, Custody, Division of Assets & Liabilities   
Home      Information for Parents

Federal Child Support Guidelines & Information 

1-888-373-2222, or go to www.canada.justice.gc.ca on the internet.  (click on "Programs and Services" and then "Child Support"). 
Information To Help Children 
To order the Health Canada booklet Because Life Goes on...Helping Children Live with Separation and Divorce, call (613) 954-5995 or obtain an electronic version on the internet at www.mentalhealthpromotion.com 

Canada Customs & Revenue Agency

Guides and forms with respect to child & spousal support payments are available at your local CCRA office or through the internet at www.ccra-adrc.gc.ca

Dept of Justice Canada
Publication on family violence Abuse is Wrong in Any Language is available by calling 1-613-957-4222 or go to canada.justice.gc.ca on the internet.  Click "The Department" and then "Publications."
 
Tips For Separating or Divorced Parents
Utilize mediation or family services to create a co-parenting plan that will help everyone move forward and improve communication.
1. Children need to know that both parents will be there for them.
2. If you are able to do so, sit down together and come up with a plan - the words you will use when you tell the children what is happening.  Remember, children need reassurance that you both will continue to be there for them and that you will always love them.
3. Try to sit down with your child or children together to tell them "We have made a decision not to live together anymore.  We are making plans so that everything is taken care of and you don't have to worry about where you are going to live or worry about not seeing one of us."
4. Make sure you both tell the children some of this dialogue - that not just one person speaks. It helps them see that you are working together on their behalf.
5. Don't use your child as a go-between even for something that seems as innocuous as passing a note or envelope for you and most definitely do not ask your child or children to carry messages back and forth.
6. Provide time for each child in a multi-child family - time with each parent and with extended family like favourite aunts & uncles or grandparents.  Do simple things together, like washing & drying dishes, making a meal together, going for a stroll, doing yard work or a special outdoor activity just the two of you can do. 
7. Don't share your angry or sad feelings with your child.  Ask your doctor for a referral to a counsellor or therapist to help you cope with such feelings.  You can tell your child you are feeling sad and that you have someone who is helping you deal with those feelings.
8. A good co-parenting plan will include sharing your ideas and suggestions for special gifts or sport equipment with the other parent.  Don't try to "buy" the child's love or attention.
9. Compare house rules that are consistent in both homes so the child doesn't have a "Disney" type of environment in one home and a parent who sets firm guidelines in the other.
10. Try to create a plan that benefits everyone - especially the child or children but also each parent.  Do not say negative things about the other parent or comment on his or her behaviour or current lifestyle.
11. Don't overdo it but every so often remind your child that you will always love him or her.
12. When important issues come up such as how to tell the child or children about the impending separation or divorce, agree before hand on exactly what will be said (create a dialogue), where it will be said and with both parents present.  Other important issues might include one of you becoming ill, a loved relative's health or the need for a family member to move away, etc.
13. Tell your child or children that they can come to you with any questions or concerns they have, anytime.  And, for goodness sake, turn off the phone ringer, put your cell phone or blackberry away and truly listen to him or her.  When they ask questions make sure you know what they are asking, don't embellish your answer, trying to cover too many things.  And ask them if you got it right; "did I answer your questions?"  "Is that what you meant?"
14. Don't listen to the negative comments of a friend or colleague whose separation or divorce is contentious.  When you need information or ideas about how to handle issues related to your family life go to someone who is knowledgeable, upbeat and supportive of your efforts.
15. The needs of children and their parents are unique to each family. The two best people to create a good co-parenting plan are the parents themselves, perhaps with the help of a mediator or neutral third party.
 

 Helping Children, Helping Yourselves

There are many professional people, organizations and other sources that can help you or provide more information when you are separating or getting a divorce.  In B.C. Legal Aid provides some services for those who qualify.  The income threshold is approximately $23,000/yr for family of two, $30,000/yr for family of three and so on.  Telephone their intake person to see if you qualify. Dial-A-Law provides "scripts" which give general information regarding all manner of legal issues, and in particular, Family Law issues.  Public libraries have a wealth of information in book or video form.  Be aware that a Family Mediator may not provide legal or financial advice and a lawyer may not act as your mediator if you consult him or her with legal questions.  Please see the "Links" page
 
Sometimes children need a neutral, supportive person to talk to about their concerns and fears.  Check with your Employee Assistance Program to see what services are covered, or talk to your family doctor for a referral. 
 
It's normal for you to have strong feelings too - anger, sadness and even depression.  Try to talk to someone yourself, to help you cope with these feelings so that you don't involve your child or children in situations or conversations that are best dealt with by the adults.  Look for our "Tips for Separating or Divorced Parents."
 
The most important information offered by our family mediator, Donna Bond, is that children have a right to not hear arguments and strife about what's happening and they have a right not to hear negative comments or observe negative reactions to "the other parent."  Mediation helps parents sort out strong feelings and get a plan in place to provide for your children's future.  Let us help you create a positive, supportive "co-parenting plan."
 

Travel Tips For Parents

If you or your spouse plan on taking your child or children out of the country save yourselves and your offspring the hassle at the airport or border by having a valid passport or current photo and a notarized letter, acknowledging both parents are aware of the travel plans.  A notarized letter may cost between $25-$50, however, it will be worth it if your travel plans aren’t interrupted by a demand for such a letter or trying to get the stay-at-home parent to the airport or border to provide the necessary information.  Recent information indicates that Canadian citizens under the age of 15 years will only require proof of citizenship such as a birth certificate or citizenship card to enter the U.S. after June 1, 2009.  All other travellers will require a valid passport or the high-tech i.d. cards such as NEXUS or FAST or an enhanced driver's licence. 

 

By the way, the recommendation to have a notarized letter applies to any children who might be accompanying your and your family on vacation to the U.S. or abroad. 
 
 
For adults requiring an updated or new passport, you are advised to go to Passport Canada's homepage and download an application form, which once completed you can take to the nearest passport office (the quickest way to get a passport which is 10 days as compared to by mail which is 20 plus days).  Read the instructions carefully.  Passport staff can help you with any minor errors.  Busiests days are Mondays & Fridays - best time to go is before 11 a.m.  Costs: Adults - $87, children ages three to 15 - $37 and children under three - $22.  Call ahead to check current fees.  This information is provided only as a guideline.

 

 Information for Parents - Age of Majority By Province

  

Age 18                                                 Age 19

 

Alberta                              British Columbia

Manitoba                            Newfoundland & Labrador

Ontario                              New Brunswick

Prince Edward Island            Northwest Territories

Quebec                              Nova Scotia

Saskatchewan                     Nunavit

                                        Yukon
 

New Online Resource to

Help Children Cope

With Separation or

Divorce

The Canadian Department of Justice

has just released a new resource

online to help children cope with

separation or divorce. Resources for

Children is a user friendly database,

which lists over two hundred

Canadian and international resources

in the area of separation and divorce.

The Web site is useful for parents

and for professionals who work with

children affected by separation or

divorce. A brief description is

provided for each resource which

includes books, workbooks, videos,

web sites and games. There is also

the option to view all resources

available for a particular age group.

The Web site can be accessed by

clicking the link below:

http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/pad/

resources/core/about.asp
 
Children's Rights 
 
*    It is desirable for children to have a close and loving relationship with both parents
 
*    Children should feel comfortable expressing feelings of love and respect for one parent while   in  the other parent’s presence.
 
*   Children should not be subjected to demeaning remarks or criticism about their mother or father.
 
*   Children should spend as much time as possible with each parent in keeping with the child’s       needs, wishes and stage of development and the ability and willingness of the parent to spend time with them.
 
*   Children need both parents.
 
Compliments of: Bond D. Mediation Services
Tel (604) 581-3476  E-mail: d_bond@shaw.ca
 
 
 
 

 
Serving Surrey, Langley, White Rock, Delta, Burnaby and the Tri-Cities Areas